Prison porridge

Everyone who’s been inside loves porridge.

When I was inside we added fruit and that. Cinnamon.

Could you get us some cinnamon sweetie?

Chucked out with 46 quid for a month.

Goes in a day.

You’ve gotta steal or deal to eat.

Small stuff, from big shops,

That way no one gets hurt

But you get nicked,

And you’re back inside for a shit and shave,

That’s what we call it sweetie,

A shit and a shave, less than six months.

Going Nowhere

Everyone always asks, ‘where are you going?’

I don’t know where I am going, but when I get there,

They ask again, ‘where are you going?’

All I know is that I am going to heaven,

And when I get there,

I shall sleep for 48 hours.

God is watching us all,

He will take us on his path

Now I must go.

GOD! That’s the motherfucking truth!

He’s a motherfuck but he keeps me.

You know what else keeps me?

Drinkin’ and two large joints and crack cocaine.

I’m crazy. Crazy as fuck! But I’ve got insurance.

And they is treating my like an invalid, or some shit.

My friend, I am back.

And I have brought you something of the hops variety. A light refreshment.

God says we must drink every day, he does not specify what.

Now, you know, children love ice cream.

If you give them ice cream, they will eat it all day

And they may be sick, but they will always have a taste for it.

I’m gonna go drink this can.

That motherfuck! I got clean! Ten days in detox,

Treated like a fuckin invalid, like I’m motherfucking crazy.

That motherfuck, I thought he don’t drink,

But he gave me vodka, a whole plastic motherfucking cup,

And I drink it, and I go to sleep.

Advice

Dennis! What's happening?
This little rascal is a lot of trouble you know. 

Do you know what caused your stroke bruv, do you know what?
It's lack of exercise bruv, and a bad diet
It's blood pressure, innit?

You need to get your arse to that place Dennis, you know, the doctor.
You think I'm joking bruv?
You need to look after yourself.

When you're out on the street 
And you're running wild, 
And doing what you're doing...

I know exactly why you had a stroke,
It's your health bruv. 
You need to slow down bruv.

You're lucky you're not disabled,
You need to sort it out man. 
I guarantee you'll be in a wheelchair soon.